Quote For The Meanwhile

The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Sinking In

I've been wasting my life in front of the television lately. Like literally. I've watched dozen of marathons and countless re-runs of Scrubs, How I met your mother, True Blood, South Park and The Simpson. I even went out to see a movie with my friends. Nightmare on Elm Street. It was pretty cool. Well... At least the graphics were.

Though, Life has been pretty good lately. I've gone out, I have camp coming up, A fun day at school and I might be going to University in the holidays. How awesome. I'm looking forward to every single one of them. Hopefully the University one will go ahead. I'll update it later. I guess that's my blog for todaaaay.

Monday, May 24, 2010

There Is No Such Time

It's weird how death can change everything. Whether you hate that person and you can asking god for your forgiveness or someone you wish that would die and hits you in the face with reality. You don't feel much when it comes to someone you don't know but when its someone your associated with it gets kind of scary and somehow judge everything you got.

I dunno. I just it's just spooking me out when death comes to someone you know. I don't want to be afraid of death but I guess that's just a part of being human. I think it would be pretty cliche if I say "Don't take life for granted" but hey, It's true.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Just Take Me Away

Finally, I got the internet back. I lost it for two days because some guy disconnected it.. Accidentally. Luckily I took it off from pending cancellation. I'm happy that the internet is back on but those two days showed how... lifeless my life is really. I basically slept and done nothing. I really need to spend less time on the computer.

I don't know why but I feel melancholic. I'm currently listening to Lady Gaga - Monster and the beat really inspires me. Of course being Lady Gaga she makes me want to go out there and do something. I just haven't figured it out yet. I love that girl. Eddie's birthday is tomorrow so Happy Birthday, Eddie!

I guess I'll finish it from here then. Oh, And I got my camp money all ready. Now just the painful waiting I have to endure. I can't wait. I hope Aimee and Chantelle can come. [insert smiley face].

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Freedom Fighter

Oh my gosh. I'm in English so far and I just found out that we're going to camp. I'm slowly showing my excitment in my high pitch voice time to time. I'm sitting next to Aimee and Erfaan and Chantelle at my left hand. Even though it's for one night I'm pretty excited. Sadly it's going to be a one gender cabin.

We're going to be playing Lady Gaga all the way and we won't ever sleep because it's way to exciting. I know I should be going my English work but I am way to caught up in my blog. I haven't blogged for a while to yeah. All the awesome people in my school are going. This is so exciting. This is going to be epic. Finally, Something to look forward too.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Unexpected Dates

I did something out of the ordinary today. When I got home I just sat there listening to my music. I didn't even care I had to use the bathroom. I just waited. I don't even know what I was waiting for but a loud noise from outside snapped me out of my disillusion state. I don't know. I guess I just needed a 2 minute break from life.

So an update of what's been going on recently.
  • I failed debating.
  • I failed my geography test right after.
  • I feel more distant than ever.
Haha, Three F's. That's just a basic sign for fail. Oh, I'm also sick. I got a "talk" today because I wasn't Asian enough and how you hate me for wearing certain things. Who are you to say I'm not allowed to wear what I want. Who says I have to be like that. For the first time today, I actually hated you a little.

Ah, How the little things made my day suck. Though, The little thing do make a differences. Like the good ones. Yeah, I'm smiling now because I thought of them. Isn't life so confusing. By the way; Thank you for the 40 cents.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Nail-Biting Experience

It was my turn. I got up slowly taking a couple of deep breaths. That reassuring pat was hard to manage. I was feeling confident at this point. I look up, skipping a breath. “Oh frick.” I think to myself. Everyone’s staring. I start to read. I’m doing fine at this point. Next palm card. So far so good.

Choke. Ah god. “Can I get a drink, please?” Guzzling down as much water as I can. I can’t breathe properly. I start off again. Okay. Just a bad start. I’m just gliding through this now. Wait…Oh…Efff.. Whose handwriting is this? I start to panic trying to pick up where I left off. Problem. Where did I end? What am I going on about? Do I start again? What should I do?

Wait, How long did I pause for? The room suddenly goes blank and I feel light headed. I start to whimper and stutter. I felt like walking out of the room and start bawling my eyes out. I can’t feel my legs. I feel like I was going to collapse. “Keep it together, dammit.” I thought to myself, “What would she do?” I flip to the next card and start reading again. At this point I have no idea what I’m saying and what I’m arguing about. I just try to sound correct.

I finally reached my last card. “Oh thank god!” I thought. I feel a relief. I walk back to my seat with the opposing team staring at me. I sit down thinking “Don’t you dare cry now.” I take a drink of water, Almost finishing the whole bottle. I get small talk with Erfaan and Chantelle. My legs still felt numb.

This was probably the most nerve-wreaking moment I ever went through and hell. I would do it all again just for the thrill. I say that half-heartedly.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I Know For Sure

I guess the little things makes me happy. Thank you for waiting at the bus stop for me today. Thank you for coming up to me and talking to me. Thank you for replying to me. Thank you for your politeness. Thank you for talking to me....

Fxck you for ignoring me, Pretend nothing is happening, Laugh at my misfortune, Make me suffocate, Leaving me alone, Yelling at me and putting me on the spot, Giving me attitude and Treating me like shiet. I know that I'm garbage but you don't got to say it outloud. I guess I'm not the only one having a shiet day. I just wish I had someone to talk to.

Cause your no longer there and it makes me cry.
My eyes hurt after crying so much.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Unfulfilled Desires

Today I took a day off of school. I just need time to think what I'm going to do with myself and honestly. I still have no idea. I'm pretty down. I really do believe in Karma and I believe it's his doings. I'm basically losing everything.

My belongings, My family, My house and my life. I need a savior at this point but I'm too afraid to ask for help. I'll cry at some point. I just had to type this out. Times up. Need more thinking...

I'm wasting my time.

Friday, May 7, 2010

So Who Am I Really?

I once asked you what was your favourite colour. You replied "The shade of brown of your eyes". I felt slightly displease and bought a pair of contacts. I put one on and told everyone that I was a failed experiment of a test tube baby and I was half priced. They knew they couldn't sell damage goods for full.

Sometimes I'm from America and sometimes I'm from Britain. People are so gullible that they believe it all. I don't fake my accent but it's lucky that it help. I think it's pretty fun when people think I'm something else but I actually do admire the Union jack. "Why do you lie so much?" someone once asked me.

I replied "Why not?"

I like changing my name on Facebook and calling myself Musume. It makes feel better about myself and I get to keep my privacy. Instead of people screaming my name all the time in public. You once made me a birthday card and I placed it under my bed. A couple of nights ago I read it and scoffed at how you wrote my name.

Some are asking where did I go? I just smile with a slight pause with a soft reply, "She's gone now." you goddamn compulsive liar


Sunday, May 2, 2010

Something To Pass Time

Stolen off the lovely, Lexington.

As from now on, your going to be asked unique questions, you ready?

LOL. I love doing these.

When's the last time you said you were fine, but really weren't?
On.. Friday on FB.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Uhh. I can't seem to recall.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
A lot of people don't like me. I don't give a damn.

Do you laugh a lot?
If you know me. I laugh at basically anything.

Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?
LOL. Optus is considered my...?

Could you cry right now?
Yeah, I have conjunctivitis so it won't be that hard.

In the past week, have you cried?
Uhh, Thursday.

When was the last time you have been awake for 3 days straight?
Whens the last time I had insomnia. I'll ask Steph later.

Are you mad at someone right now?
A little but nothing big.

Who did you spend your summer with last year?
I spent well spent them with my Onii-chama.

Are you okay with the life you live?
Ah god. Who ever says yes is a liar.

Last person you told a secret to?
I don't trust nobody.

How many true friends have you got?
That's a little personal.

Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf?
Some have told me.

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Yeah, This face cloth thing.

When is the last time you went to the mall?
I went today. :D Shopppppiiinggg.

Are you wearing socks right now?
Yah huh. Green stripped ones with Donald and Pluto.

Are you wearing anything that doesn't belong to you?
LOL. Well, These pants use to be my brothers.

Something you really want right now?
I sort of need money at the moment. :/

Who woke you up?
Mu mummy did to go shopping.

Could you date someone who used poor grammar?
HAHA. How does that get in the way?

How important is a sense of humor in a significant other?
Dude. If you can't laugh at all. Gtfo. I need my laughs.

Last thing you laughed really hard about?
LOL. How idiotic my brother is. Some of the things he says.

Who was the last persons house you were in?
Vanessa's. :]

What do you hear right now?
Sam Tsui sexy voice. :]

Last January were you single?
I believe so. :D

What kind of phone do you have?
LOLLLL. I'm too ashamed to say but it gets me by.

Try to name all the nicknames you've been called before?
Mon, Musume, Monii, Moni-Q, Monikey, Penis, Vagina but accident, Lamb, Cookie, Biscuit, Creams, Miss-creams-all-over, Monsturbate.

What were your first thoughts this morning?
Yess, I wish to go shopping.

Who's was the last persons bed to sleep in but your own?
I have no idea. o_o;; Unless camp counts then.. No idea.

What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Watch "The Uninvited"

Are you single?
Yes. :D

Do you think you and your best friend will still be friends in 10 years?
I dunno. Alot can happen in 10 years.

What did you do yesterday?
I went grocery shopping.

Did the last person you kissed have a tattoo?
....I have no idea actually. Probably no.

What color is the shirt you are wearing?
Grey. :]

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
LOL. Loud to my liking.

Are you a forgiving person?
I dunno. Depends how the person approaches me.

This time last year can you remember who you liked?
Uhh. I dunno.

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
It's mostly brown. But that's only in the sun.

Do you have trust issues?
God, Don't get me started. This one time.. And yeah.

What are you doing right now?
Just trying to finish this.

Have you ever told a friend they looked good when they really looked bad?
LOLLL. I'm pretty honest in what I say.

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance?
OH GOD. If only a opportunity like this was real.

How often do you look out your window?
My screen is a window. LOL.

Are you thinking about someone right now?
Yeah. Wonder if she's thinking about me.

When was the last time you threw up?
VOMIT FREE SINCE.. Oh fxck you.

Do you go to school?
Lately, I've been in my "fxck it" mood.

How are you right now?
I'm pretty tired at the moment. This keyboard keeps stuffing up.

Are you cheating on someone right now?
Excuse me?

Have you ever had someone pick you up off the ground & carry you?
Being little, I get that a lot.

Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
Lately cause I've been getting stupid optus messages.

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?
I'm more of a pain person.

Where is your phone?
In my room. I couldn't give a fxck.

Name one thing you love about winter?
Seeing people shiver so I can hug them.

Are you usually a happy person?
Well, Reading my blog. Do you think I sound happy?

Do you bite your nails?
OCD.

What are you stressed out about?
Tests. Trying to avoid them to be honest.

Have you ever kissed in the rain?
LOL. Yes. Teehee.

Are you any good with kids?
I love them. Well... Some of them anyways.

Why are girls more easy to be friends wth?
Because girls open up more. HAHAH. I had inpure thoughts.

Do you know who you are going to marry someday?
Why on earth?

If your favourite candy fell in a mud puddle, would you eat it?
LOL. I'm not that desperate.

Have you ever thrown your cell phone at the wall?
LOL. Yes, I have sticky tape supporting it now.

If you could buy a dog right now, what would you name it?
I promised my current dog I'd name the next dog Potatoe.

If someone hit you, what would you do?
I would hit back and run for my life like Vietnam War all over again.

You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, how is it?
I guess we'll get catch up with each other.

Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped?
I know they deserve to get hit but I'll keep silent.

Where do you go when you need to just get away?
I'd sit in a park feeding birds. Yeah, I'm one of those people.

Will this upcoming weekend be a good one?
I might go to city. So, I guess so.

Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
HAHAHAH. I love you.

Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
I don't envy the beach.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Honestly. I don't remember.

When was the last time you hugged someone?
Uhm.. Thursday in the after school.

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend?
Slept? No. I get kind of nervous.

Where was your default picture taken?
My bedroom cause that's just what luvos do.

Is it easy to make you cry?
Depends who makes me cry.

You miss somebody right now?
I miss a couple of people.

Ever walked on a rooftop?
I'm afraid of heights.

Have you held hands with anyone in the past 36 hours?
I'm doubtful.

Met anyone new this year?
LOLLL. Yes. ^///^

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
Once again, I get pretty nervous.

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
My saying; "If they don't need, I probably don't need them."

Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them?
Yah huh. I'm actually glad I did too. Never been closer to you.

If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for?
What's the point of wishing. :/

Can you play pool?
ROFLMAO. I went with my uncle. I fail at that shit.

Your friends tell you, you have a drug problem, you say?
Is it because of my bloodshot eyes? Cause I can explain.

Have you slept with more than three people this year?
VIRGINITY ROCKS. If you watch Last Comic Standing you'll get it.

Lets say you had a baby with the last person you kissed?
We discussed this and I said we'll both kill each other.

If you could turn back time and change a part of your life you deeply regret, would you?
I would want to change everything but at the same time I wouldn't.

What’s the next party you’re going to?
I'm not a party person.

Have you ever tripped whilst walking up the stairs?
LOLLLLL. I do it a lot. I find it funny.

Do you think you've changed over the past year?
Ah, I believe so. Pretty selfish and independent.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
LOLOL. Oh god you ice-cream boy. <3

Are you wearing jeans right now?
LOL. Nope.

Who was the last person you spoke on the phone for over an hour?
Guessing Ryan. Don't really talk to anyone else.

Has a boy/girl ever called you babe/baby?
I usually block those words out. o_o;; Weird?

Do you like to take walks?
When I'm bothered.

Are you the youngest person living in your house?
Second youngest. :]

Could you go in public looking like you do right now?
Without looking like a major douche? No.

Did you mean "I love you" when you said it last?
Yah huh. Cause I really do. :]

Are you a loud person?
HAHAHA. I believe so.

What's the best type of weather?
Cloudly, No wind, Cold.

How many tabs are open on your computer?
3.

Are your nails painted?
Sort of. They're all chipped.

Who was the last person that told you they love you?
I don't remember. :/

Would you rather be in a relationship or play the field?
I prefer relationships.

Do you look at yourself when you pass by reflective surfaces?
HAHAHAH. Yes and I tidy myself up.

Is your hair short, medium or long?
Well, It's just a little over my shoulders.

What color is your hair dryer?
Sliver and black.

Do you use google or ask more?
Google. Who the fxck uses ask?

Do you know any guy who straightens his hair?
HAHHA. Who doesn't these days.

How many belts do you own?
Probably 4?

Were you smiling in the last picture taken of you?
Last picture taken... I don't recall.

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
Using the bathroom and went back to sleep.

What colour is your toothbrush?
Red. :]

Do you like Red Bull or Monster better?
Monster. :D

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Somewhere in the medical industries.

Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions?
LOLOL. I can answer them comfortable but just not truthfully.