I've Realised

In the wise words of Barney, When I'm sad, I just stop being sad.. And be awesome. That was the first thing I thought of this morning. People don't want to hear the truth and deny it. People don't like being wrong. People can't handle what others say.

It might be all sunshine and daisies now but behind every laugh leads to a fake smile. I won't be like you and I never will be. It's funny how you compare me to the entire world like I'm the most diabolical human. I'm not sorry but I know what I did was wrong but the thing is, I'm better than you because I know my wrongs.

I'm a hypocrite but the difference between you and me, I know I am.
It's better for everyone, Why don't you understand that?

My eyes feel weak.

The Day We Met

I must admit, It's been a pretty bad night for everyone round me. I guess including me. I hate it when one thing ruins your whole day. That sucks. I had a walk with Tommy and Vanessa today. God, I love those guys. We vented a lot today and threw anything out there. Some things I've never told anyone before.

I don't usually open up to people but if I do, You are well damn lucky. But with each passing day I've been trusting less and less people.
A messenger told me what happened to you today and some part of me wants to laugh in your face, But I'm not in the mood. I saw this guy do amazing tricks with his cigarette today. Even though it's gross, The things he did was pretty awesome.

Today is a day that changed my life and made me realised all the things in life. Like who to trust, Who I currently trust, What they're like and what kind of person they are. I've never been so reawakened in my life.

Find Yourself

My 45th blog. I woke up late and couldn't be bothered to go to Livo. I guess I'll start on my assignment. It's Tommy's Birthday Today. Hopefully I get to hang with him tonight with Satan. I don't have much to blog about. I'll probably finish this off later.

[ The GazettE - Chizuru ]

Ah, So I'm back. I went to KFC and surprisingly a lot of people were there. They took our spots. I have to say I like the burgers there. Yum. The chips were gross though. So much salt. Tommy got food poisoning. On his birthday too. That sucks. Haha, "Mon! Go ask!" It was pointless of me to run when we got there at the same time.

I'm so rebel, I went home at 10:10pm. I basically spend the whole night venting and bitching. How awesome. I feel slightly better since I haven't spoke to anyone like that in ages. Everyone seems to distant now. Even though I didn't resolve anything, It's nice to say it out there. I loved today.

Windows Are Closing

How did a great time turn into such a mess. I sometimes regret the times I went back to you. Everyone's a hypocrite and it makes me cry. What you said to me today really hurt me. I wanted to scream in your face and name everything wrong with the words you used but I kept silent and I casually laughed it off.

I think I've said this a million times but I'll say it again over and over again;
I think I might hate you. I like going home now. I use to hate it before now I wait until my day ends just so I can fall into bed and close my eyes. My troubles disappear and you no longer exist. It makes me happy.

[ FM Radio - Be My Only ]

20 Meters, 60km/ph

So, I'm back from camp. Jeez, It was tiring. I crashed as soon as I got home. I slept for like half a day then woke up and when to school with a major headache. It felt like a hangover. Everything wouldn't stop spinning. Camp beds were effing uncomfortable. Only had 3 hours of sleep. It was fun though.

I got to go on REALLY high stuff. I'm really afraid of heights. On the first course it was flying fox. I've never climbed that high before so I basically cried. Chantelle didn't make it any better, Shaking the damn thing. I got pushed off too. Then we had this net thing which was alright. Then my favourite one was giant swing. You literally had to pull this rope which triggered you to swing.

It felt like the Easter show's Taipan roller coaster. I had that same feeling and everything but this time I felt more secure. Then I had high ropes which is basically a obstacle course with a wire keeping you safe. Let me just say, I shat my pants in all of them. The joy. It was fun though.

I Don't Recall

I had a chat about you yesterday. I compare my life to back then, I can completely say I'm better off. I've walked miles and look at me now. Even I feel more confident. Don't beg for forgiveness now because it just stops you from living your life. I say screw it and full speed ahead. Do things out of your reach, Impress people you don't know and do things people wouldn't dare to.

At this point, I'm enjoying life so much. Maybe that's just the excitement talking. I have camp tomorrow! Finally, It's here. I'm so happy I feel like throw up but that'll lead to a domino theory where everyone else will too. Vomitastic. MONSTER. THAT BOYS A MONSTER

You Better Read This

I'm bored out of my mind. How many times have I started my blog like that. It never gets old. I was just reading some of my old blogs. So much that my left arm has gone numb. Some of the stuff I write is really.. Depressing. Way to keep positive. I guess I can't help it. When I'm bored, I'm most likely alone and I guess blogging keeps me entertained for the meanwhile.

I can't wait to read all of this in 2 years time and see how far I've come. Whether I've gone the pathway I wanted or changed destination, I'll be happy when I read this. You hear this Mon?! Yeah, You know you do. I haven't drawn in ages. Maybe I should start again. Life is taking a unpleasant bump but I love it. I'm glad I'm losing you.

Love Nobody

I've just realised something. This is something less of a blog. It's my diary... That nobody reads. I guess this is just a place to vent. Not even my friends would read this. Oh god. Bad mood much? Anyways. UTS. It was pretty fun. It was "Free Boost" day. You know, The chocolate.. Not because I'm short. Got so much.

Eddie got himself a toy doughnut, Surprisingly seconds after when he said he wanted it out loud. Skills much? I got myself a shiny material Stitch. You know, Like.. Lilo. Overall I had a pretty good day. Just I'm abit worried about transport and time. Such a hassle. Ah, I'm too tired to care right now. Just, Screw the world.

["I couldn't tell you because I don't like seeing you sad."

• Kisses shoulder and leans on with a hug.]

Our Future Is At Stake

So listen, About that UTS thing tomorrow. I'm defiantly going. I just don't expect it like this. I'm going unsupervised and I'm going with two friends of mine. Eddie and Luke. I'm pretty excited. But I already went to the city yesterday with Erfaan. I don't really wanna go again but I guess I got to do what I got to do. It's so cold though. My fingers feel like frozen meat. Well, That's basically what they are. Gross.

Yesterday was awesome. I went to Shibuya (which is like a modern Japanese store; harajuku, gothic lolita, jrock, etc) and I bought my first piece of my cosplay outfit. The top, Which cost like, $80. I was hoping to come home with a dress but I guess I can't have everything. The clothes there looked amazing. I'm pretty happy though. Erfaan said he'll be my cosplay partner so that'll be exciting. Especially what his going to wear. End of blog. Shh. Cold.

Meaningless

Ah, I made it into that Uni program. I'm pretty excited. I guess me and Eddie and myself are the only ones excited. Ah wells. At least I won't be bored and lonely during the holidays. How exciting. But yes, This week is the Queen's birthday, So long live her. Erfaan and I decided to go to the city. He got heartbeats, which is these expensive headphones for all those non-Lady Gaga fans.

We need to exchange them so yeah. I wanna try out the iPad too so it's a plus for both of us. We're also going to visit this store on Sussex Street called Shibuya. Basically a Japanese gothic lolita, jrock, harajuku store. I'm happy about that and School has also been doing good. Except, I'm in that "I don't give a shiet" mood again.

Basically meaning there's nothing to look forward too at the moment. Strange though. There's actually a couple of things I'm looking forward to but I just don't feel the excitment. Unfortunatly I do not get to go to Funday. Oh wells. Maybe next time. I guess that's all I got.

Here's The Deal

I haven't written one in ages. So I had my second debate. I was the team adviser this time and let me say how easier it is for me. No speaking. Not being a strong was as it is. On my role, I believe I did pretty good. We did better than we did before.. But unfortunately we didn't win this one. We were close though! Just like lasts year team.

If we win our next debate, It will be history repeating itself and since they won last year.. I hope history does repeat or else I'll label myself as a utter failure. Haha, I'm so harsh on myself. So I paid for Funday and that's basically a one day sort of camp like thing but I might have to attend a orientation that day so that sucks.

I hanged with Vanessa and Tommy yesterday. Which was tiring but somewhat rewarding and fun. It's my mother's birthday today also and I guess that went alright. Yay for cake. I think my favourite fruit on desserts are now strawberries. I also love custard tarts. Yummy. That's basically it for me. Til next time!