Just A Little While

Maybe for just a moment, Just a little while, 

I could watch you smile without you knowing 

and without my eyes tearing up at the sides.

I hate looking at people from my past.

They all seem to of broke me a little

And if they smile I get a little sad.

I don't know why to be honest.

This hasn't happened to me for...

About a year and a bit now....Thank fxck.

Says I

I've been wondering. What makes a friend.. A friend? Definition, Friend: A person you know well and regard with affection and trust; "She was my best friend in high school". I have a lot of free time on my hands so wasted my time and I summed it down and here are some points.

You know they are a friend when;

• Then can ruin your life and make it fall apart.
• They can easily destroy you and your trust.
• They can tell the world your secrets.
• They could hurt you more than anybody else.
• They can kill you with just their words.
• They can break your heart.

So that was my conclusion of what a friend is. It's not all the points but it's the main one through my eyes but for some reason you stick around anyways because you know.. Deep down, They won't.

 

Children Who Dream

Don't let it be. I'm sorry but I hate to be paranoid. Don't let it be me. I don't like what you're saying and what your trying to achieve. Please don't let it be. We've only started anew and you're giving up already. I'm not waiting for my 15 minutes of fame. I'm waiting for you to answer me.

I am very impatient and I hate sticking around.

I'll spend hours laying on the grass and think if what I did was something to be proud of or something I should regret. Don't make me regret it. Please. I don't care how long it'll take me. I'll chase shadows down the streets if I have to. Don't let me wait under the moon for nothing.
I'll be waiting but remember, I'm impatient.

What am I suppose to do.

Strike Me Down

Well done karma. You once again somehow managed to ruin what was meant to be a perfect day. Even though I blame you more than I blame karma. I don't know why the world is so twisted. Everything's just upside down but sometime tells me that It was basically my fault. It was from the very beginning. It somehow manage to slip from my grasp and gets further out of control.

I've done something again the rules. I broke an unwritten law. A code that no one told me about. I'm always fallen short to somebody's expectations and with that I lost expectations for myself. The world is so screwed up and it's just easier not to care. Not worth to be somebody and not worth being. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. So everyday you'll remind me how much I let you down and how much I failed you.

At something you couldn't ever do but expect me to. I'm not failing to be honest. You're just setting me up to fail and you know it right to the bone that you are. I'll never reach your standards and I already know the world is broken. Everyone knows that and you still blame me. I don't even remember doing it. Do me a favour and please just walk out.

You Ruined Winter

You left me a message a couple of days ago. 

I laugh at how you've "moved" up in life. I'm quite glad.

01: If I ever see you again I'll look the other way. Pretending that I never saw you. I would want to hug you... But not after what you did and if you confront me I'm going to call you every bad word you've imagined. Sadly, I'll make you regret ever meeting me. I frankly don't care.

02: Well, Here I am 2 years later writing a poem about you. I promised myself that I wouldn't care anymore.. But.. Here I am typing away what I wish I would of done. You've made the biggest impact but yet you walked out so easily. Now you're just like everyone else. I said this a year ago too.

03: I'll imagine all the things I would want to tell you. I'll scream it in my head. There's this guy at school who reminds me of you. What am I doing at this time of night. You can't scream at me then walk away with a congratulation. You're not confident enough. Which explains your second letter, Apologising. I couldn't stop smiling on how pathetic you are.

Remorseful

You look through empty windows and think it should be raining over yourself. You trace around objects that are dusty thinking you'll grow accustom to these bad habits. You won't love him tomorrow you say. It's not going away that easily. This feeling of regret, You put yourself into. You won't tell him the truth and I won't say it either because it's not my place. I believe one sad soul is better than one guilt ridden of a liar one.

You're getting yourself into a mess. You lie about everything and even about how your day went. He sometimes joke about meaningless things you sometimes wish they were true. You should be glad that he closed the window and opened a door instead. He loves you. He says his lucky he can talk to you about anything while you're telling him to 

"Shut up, I don't want to hear it."

You wish he'll do something drastically wrong.

You want him to hurt you already.

You wish he'd give you a excuse and reason to leave.

But when he does, Don't come back to me and realise what a mistake it was closing that door.

Don't Seek For Me

Animania was yesterday and let me say, It was freaking awesome. I didn't dress up like I wanted to but hey, I still got to wear something. I was so jealous of what the other cosplayers were wearing though. It was so cool. They were so cute and so freaking tall. Jeez. Models much? Ah, I had a helluva day with Tommy Lam and I'm still tired. I hope to go with more people next year with more costumes.

• Pedo Bear
• Kuroshitsuji Cosplay
• Maids, Lolita ans Butlers
• Buying badges, Panda hat and sword.
• Spending a heaps load of of money on nothing.
 

I still have your picture on your wall. I still think about to this very day. I've been thinking for weeks. I still go back to those places we went. You mean every little things to me. I miss you more every time I think about you.

Stars Are Holding You

Your heart sinks the first time but after that, It comes natural as breathing and yes I really did cry for the first time because not everyone can be that strong. You were like a marionette that had spider webs for strings. I breath out.

We're both accidents. We're just waiting it to happen. One step after the other. This isn't insanity. We're only here to fill up space and make up for the lack of colour. I take another breath in. You swallowed your ego and lined up to nothing but a sugar-coated insults. Why are you doing this to yourself? I don't like hearing you weep on the phone.
I'd rather a dead-me than a dead-you.

I exhale. Don't you cry. I'll help you when no body else will. We're all bad people but I'm perfectly happy with the way I am. Don't give up on me because you couldn't keep the promise. You say you're trigger happy but I know you only want out. I wasn't lying. I think I'm going to pass out.

[ FM Static - Tonight ]

Wrong Time Of Place

Let me tell you a story, A tale or even a song, Of my nightmares, My dreams and all the things I've done wrong. I can't list them all here but if your here long enough, I might tell you the truth. So here it goes.

The truth is I have no story to tell. No tale or song to sing. I'm really just a hypocrite and I just wanted to catch your attention.
So tell me, darling dear. Did it work?

[ Damien Rice - 9 Crimes ]

I'm actually feeling quite lonely.

Awakening

It's been raining all day. Don't know why I feel so attached to this world right now. This is my home and this is my death. I give out a heavy sigh. The grey clouds seem endless and makes everything look so bleak. I lean to my left and I see branches from the rose tapping against my window... I shiver from the wind's bitter touch. I pull my legs closer and lean against my knees.

I have a pile of paper cranes sitting at the edge of my desk and a small gap from the window blow them off. I put them on top of my drawers so they don't fall again. I waited silently waiting for the spring rain to cease. The wind began to pick up. I always did enjoy the sound of rain. I close my eyes for just a second and I daze off for longer than expected.

It's

like

a

nonrhythmic

song.

The sounds of my dogs barking snap me out of it. For those few minutes.. I was at my peace. I can hear my neighbour's gate creek and birds tweeting outside. The rain slowly began to die down. I place the paper cranes where they use to be but the wind blows them off again... Comforting.

Darling Dear

I don't have a problem with myself. I run into puddles and I kick everything I see on the ground as I walk along. I mime the lyrics of the songs I'm listening to and get excited to the next song that comes up... Only forgetting that I'm the only one that can hear my iPod.

I sworn that you were my mortal enemy because simply you yelled at me one day. I'm quite shorter than most girls but hey, Somebody has to be. I'll stay up past midnight watching things I did 10 years ago and smile because television distracted me from the world.

I love to draw but I usually give up in the end and scribble across everything so I can't go back. I'm always curious of strangers on the street and wonder what happened in there lives. I know who I am. I know what I'm like. I honestly don't have a problem with myself...

Or least I keep telling myself that.

A Second Glance

This is a game of chess and sometimes you got to make sacrifices. Every move means something. Whether you regret it afterward or proud of what you've done. There's nothing you can do about it.

And now we play the waiting games with the silver silences, Personal circle of thoughts and gutless hints. I'm subjecting you onto my ponderous nonsense. I can't force these eyes to see the end.

And I'm sorry too. I don't know how to make it all better.

Cho lau hon mot chut.

I'm Easy To Forget

I know that look in your eyes. I've seen it one too many times. I see it in different people but I would never think I would see it in you. From somebody who I thought once mattered.

It's clear what I am to you. I'm just a simple memory. Just a muddle up and an imagination of your thoughts. Small. Insignificant and easily discarded.

But that's okay with me, love... Because you won't ever be forgotten. I think it's clear what we mean to each other and no matter how selfish, stubborn and cold we were. We're distant to each other now but somebody like me is easily forgettable.

I Was Raised To Hate Life

She doesn't truly love you like I do. You only like her because you made bruises on her neck and her hips were worthwhile. You like her because she makes you feel complete but I know you deserve better.

I wanted you.

She liked you because you gave her life by scratching some colour into her skin. You like the way she kisses you. She likes how your her arm candy and you make her feel s a f e.

She's not afraid. She only cares when you're not around. She can't even find the words to explain who you are to her and what you really mean. Maybe she's your Mrs. Right but I can see right through her. Trust me, I know. I've done this before.

Don't you worry. I've got you. I know how you feel. I know what would happen. I can't tell you to stop loving somebody but just remember, Is it lust or love?

Do What You Want

So, I guess this is karma talking. I had a great day but this is how the universe is going to balance itself out. I just wish it didn't happen so soon. Look what you've done, Karma. I hope you're happy with yourself. I believe what we are built on is stronger than that and I will fix things. Even if it means going to extremes.

I will prove karma wrong. You won't win this time and within a couple of hours, I have proved myself right. I won't let you win ever again. Not with this at least. I just hope you won't do it ever again...

Make A Dream

Finally! I have returned after a week of being capped. How lame. I remember asking the question of what I would do without internet and I must say, I did better than expected. I had a splendid day. It was the art festival and it pretty excited. I had no class at all and I got to spend the whole day with my friends... And slapping them.

It was helluva a day and I would love to do it again. I had sport today as well. Soccer was great. So energetic right now just by thinking about it. Oh and by the way, 1 way 2 say 3 words 4 you. I had a great day. Thank you for making it so exciting! Here's a video from a really awesome guy! He sure has a good taste in shows.