Quite Smitten

So many blog posts and status updates about love. I must warn you this is more of a rant. I'm glad though due to my posts haven't quite been the same. Love. Definition: A strong positive emotion of regard and affection, "Children need alot of love". I must admit I hate my generation for throwing this around so easily and simply call it love. It's pathetic. If you dare call that love then you are mistakenly wrong, dear.

If it's love, You wouldn't move on so quickly. If it's love you'll fight for it and won't give up until it's over. If it's love... Then your heart will damn sure well know it is. You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. - Dr.Seuss. I know I shouldn't complain because I like it when people show love instead of hate.. But when it's thrown away so easily, it quite aggravating.

And if you thought of sex when you read the picture above, 

Well then, Fxck you my dear.

I'd Fight

You asked me how can I keep smiling after all that has happened. First thing I thought was "Where do I get all my strength" Then I realised it was you. You're my hope. Every time I find my head hanging low and tears running down my cheeks I look into the sky and it's beauty.

It reminds me the the beautiful things in this world and somehow manage to catch my breath.

You're mysterious. It drew me in knowing if somebody's life can be that perfect. I was trying to figure you out. Sadly to say your sadness is what made me smile, I miss cheering you up. I miss you. Everything about you. Why am I so terrified? You didn't let me go. Stop confusing me.

I might be losing a little bit of hope but it doesn't mean this is over. I love you and always fight for you. Even if you doubt yourself for even a second. I never broken a promise, Deny it? Just keep smiling I suppose.

I got nothing else to do.

We Are Killing It

There are days where I seriously hate the world and it's people. It feels like I'm losing my fxcking mind. Sometimes I feel like I should just walk out without having a doubt and keep on walking. But sadly I have a fear which I damn myself for.

You might not know this but it feels like I'm hanging myself and your words are pushing the stool off my feet. Not because I'm being hated.. But more like people are hating you. If you can't save yourself, Then you obviously can't save me. Life is such a burden. Just keep smiling.

Dissolution

If you take your life...
You're actually taking two.

I Would Cry For You

Your blog is basically how much you hate the world and how much you hate living your life. I know I promised you something but that promise will break if you no longer exist. Where would I be without you? You told me to beat this and I will. I expect the same from you.

So don't you dare give up now. Ever.  

I need you. 

Don't leave me. I wouldn't know what to do.

I know what it feels like.

I Hate Waking Up

I guess I got nothing to say except I'm sorry. You two are the only people who know and today was so hard trying to find my way "home". I know you read this Tommy. I made a promise last night and I plan to keep it. Just remember, If you jump. I'll jump too. I love you.

Burried Deep

So I guess you're not talking to me anymore. I'm fine with that. I was looking at my diary and reading some of the things I wrote about you and I don't regret one bad thing I wrote about you. My opinion still stands.

"You were an original and can't be replaced".

That's alright though. I know I usually get even.. But I don't want to bring you back to the form I once found you in. People stay and people go. It's just one of life's cruel facts. “The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.” - Unknown. 

Okay, I changed my mind.

You've already been replaced.

Horror Show

Bloody finally. Finished all of the exams. I feel pretty confident with it. I reckon today was a pretty awesome day as well. Basically gamed all day with accents on. English, Science, History, Geography, Computer, Aced it. I can't wait to get my results back. I'm in a helluva good mood but I honestly do hate that feeling when you realise what you're doing is a test!

Palms sweating, Pressure building, Pencils tapping and people trembling. Okay, Question one. This is meant to be the easiest one.
Trying not to over think it too much. One by one, I answer them all. Leaving not a single one out. God, Can you stop sniffing so loudly?! That moment of doubt when everybody starts leaving.
Those small sounds that become loud and annoying.

Times up and I'm feeling pretty damn confident.

Burden

You've been on my mind lately.

And quite frankly...

You're heavy.

Get off.

Empty Glasses

I haven't been feeling so good the past few days.

I had a blood test today. Results on Thursday.

I think I might enjoy blood taken out of me. How fun. I wanna be them.

I'm in a good mood.

I Can Only Imagine What You're Painting

What not to keep around a trashed wrist:

01: A giftbag; Given to someone who thinks "its the thought that counts". It'll just bring you back to those days that you think they cared but really they don't know you at all. It'll make you think of your birthday and your uncle coming over asking "What died in here?" knowing it was your burnt birthday cake that you made for yourself but shamefully apologising due to the disgusted look he gave.

02: A watch; for only the time will tell how much of your life you are wasting. Somewhat fond memories will come up of you playing sports on the grass with your classmates only for someone to steal your moment of glory and then bitterly knocking you down when you thought you could take on the world. You'll just have your legs knocked down before you even had the chance to stand up.
It'll remind you how much time you've got left.

03: The grasping fingers of your partner for all it would do it bring you down and isolate you from the world. You would receive a mindful of memories that made you smile and laugh with warmth only to remind you now how cold and selfish you are now, thinking that the world is in your dept and owe you nothing less of what you deserve. I will write this all down during class and make a paper-plane and throw it outside the window hoping someone would pick it up but due to my isolation to the world I lack confidence.

I just want to scream and shout and scribble curse words on the walls.