Below all those layers of stubbornness, lies a face of humiliation. A think silhouette of failure and nothing but lies liquidising through your teeth. You're unworthy of being a "leader" and although you appear to be a 'standing-tall' figure, You're truly weak. I observe imperfections but I don't deny them. My eyes go south and I'll mumble curse words. A prisoner of something I cannot help. Something I'm stuck with. Strangely comforted by unfortunate familiarity. Underneath that shell is self-loathing.

It's Not My Fault

Burn the house down. Slit some meat and kill all kin. I always turned to my iPod when I didn't want to hear my thoughts. But lately, they've been seeping through and the amount of times I wanted to burst out with rage just broke me down completely. You weren't my first choice. I was close to call you and say I needed you back.

"The future is scary but you can’t just run back to the past because it’s familiar. Yes it’s tempting, but it’s a mistake."

Taking Over

Friday always seem to boost up my self esteem and how much I'm quite content in myself. No problems. No dramas. Just fun and relax. Also the next day is Saturday so, That's nice too. I'll worry about everything on Monday.

Judgement

I hate this place. It's as shallow as the people around it. We all work hard everyday to make sure we're judged well. We're judge by everyone, Strangers, friends, family. We judge them right back. How they dress. How they look. How they think. We talk. They talk.

What type of a person they are. And how your assumptions change them through your eyes. The world fxcking demands us to be perfect. A very impossible goal. The world sees me and my flaws and everyone tries to cover them up. Whether it be clothing, make up, a fake image. But we're still judged for that. We're all in the wrong.

I feel defeated. We don't feel beautiful until someone says we are.

Open Up A Little Bit More

Thought are odd. I remember things at the most calming times and this changes my mood. It makes me think what if thinks changed. How has that event effected me and most importantly, what part of me did they take away. I can name 6 people on the top of my head who has effected me in a negative way.

It makes me wonder what would of happen if I decided to take control instead of letting them tear a little part of me. I'm not complaining. I'm simply curious.

Lights Out

I need to reevaluate on how much of a human-being I am.
Where is my savior.

3 Minutes

I'm not your shoulder to lean anymore. I'm not that person you call whenever you feel like talking. I'm not staying up to talk to you. I'm not spoiling you anymore. Frankly, Whenever you come up in a conversation or thoughts, it's negative. It's scary to know there's still apart of me that you won't accept. Love = Unconditional. It's how it works.

Possessed

It's weird to see what time can do. How much we've changed in looks, personality and opinions. Whether it be a good or bad change. We always change no matter what. We're influenced by the people around us. What we're exposed to and how we take whatever the world throws at us and some people just seems to crumble.

Time's a funny thing.

Thrift

Change. Adaption. This, I don't handle well at all. The act or instance of making or becoming different. I'm okay with things. Indecisive of whether it's a good change or bad. I won't tolerate it though. I'm okay with being by myself now. New improvement. Sort of.

Birth Is Overated

Sometime near October. Cute. Chubby. Small. Aggressive. Terrifying. Fearless. I remember you tripped me a few times. Eating away fruit in the sun. You always liked water. Sadly. That's what killed you. I loved you. I really did. I didn't know. I regret everything I did that day because I knew I could of changed it. Yet, I felt nothing until 8 years later.  
The lack of...

Intentionally

I feel good. I'm just so relaxed. I have problems right now but I couldn't care less. I have school tomorrow but I'm not worried. I have assignments to do but I'm calm about it. I'm so carefree and I want to blurt out my secrets. Not really. I'm actually quite miffed.

The Way I See It

I have expectations for the future. I won't live alone. I don't care what course I get into uni. I just want to do something. Must be able to have left over money. Open up to people. If I'm ever alone, I must be able to support myself. Don't let emotional suffering get to me.

I want a nice lifestyle. I'm not settling for anything.

When in doubt, Know your way out.

 

Note To Self

Enjoy the little things.