It's currently 2:51am and I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm disappointed above all else. It occurs so frequently I can't trust that it's something that will pass. I want to be honest with myself. I want to be honest with you. I want this to work but I know I will be compromising my happiness. I would be compromising the basics of what I want in a relationship.
I want to have a conversation. I want to communicate freely without feeling small, insignificant or irrelevant. I can't stand your silence. It makes my head wonder to places irrational and destructive. That troubles me. It causes me pain. I've had enough of that for one life. I'm alone with myself everyday and I just need comfort. I need love. I don't need absence.
Speak as if your words are unique. Don't formulate a clinical apology I've heard a thousand times. Speak from your heart. I know it's not easy to do but I don't think you can. Is it because I don't mean anything to you? You don't feel anything? I'm not worthy of your thoughts? I like to pretend you're up mad having a thousand thoughts of what you should of said or what should of happened. Or having difficulty sleeping but I know what you're like. None of this bothers you.
You sleep sound. I'm up late typing my thoughts to no one.
I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeves. They're only good for wiping away tears.
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to die but I don't want to live like this either. I'm not making any progress of creating a life worth living. I am wasting oxygen.
