Subfuscous

It's nice to know your suffering too. At least it's just not only me. I don't like staying home. I'd give anything to be outside. Whether it'll be scorching hot or pouring down rain. I don't want to be here anymore. Something is quite depressing about Christmas.

Whilst those people who celebrate Christmas and share love and junk, The people who don't feel further apart and more isolated from the world. Tommy; You made me the happiest I have been in a while and for that,
I am eternally grateful.

Dear mother, How I despise you.

Mishappening

I missed a day. Now it's pointless.

I was so close too.

Blest

I went back to the orthodontist. Teeth removed? I don't think so. Surgery? Great offer but I'll pass. I'll just take the braces and be off my way. Haha. A lot is happening tomorrow. Dear self. Try to keep your mind clear and just have a good time. Stop scaring yourself. You'll be fine.

Jolly

As much as I want to get in this warming Christmas spirit, I can't. I heard everybody's stories how wonderful and festive this is. But it's quite a different story for me. Every time someone brings the subject up,
I go all quiet and make up lies.

I will most likely wake up on Christmas morning like any other ordinary day except I will have this feeling where something's missing. An empty chill. I guess I'll just swallow the feeling of exclusion once again.

I haven't gotten any sleep yet and I've been crying all day.

Certitude

It rained a lot and I never felt more alone.
Rain, You are my only company.

Admire

So a lot is going to happen this week. I'm quite excited because since my early holiday has started it's been nothing but boredem. I need something to keep me occupied and lately, My thoughts have been quite good to me. I'm not quite sure but I'm happy with them. Keep it up. 

I'm seeing the beauty in every little thing.

 [ Sienna Skies - Breathe ]

Perplex

Day 17. I had quite a good day. I learnt how to make pancakes today. From scratch. It wasn't too bad. Just a little plain. Note: Add more sugar. Hahahaha. I remember a lot of blogs back I wrote about lying on the grass and doing nothing. That was basically my day and I enjoyed every single bit of it. Your scent still lingers around.

You just asked if I've been crying. 

Not this time. Not this time.

Worldliness

I went to new places. Didn't do much.

But it was fun. New experience. Hahahah.

Lets do it again sometime.

I haven't said a quote in ages.  

“Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.”- Leo F. Buscaglia.

Anamnesis

Lets see. I woke up.

Alright sleep. 

Went out for a little bit.

Burning hot. 

I actually had a nice time.

Went home. 

Sat in front of the air-con and now watching a bunch of videos on youtube.

I need something better to do with my life.

Brazen

I had a weird day. <3

 I wasn't feeling so good today either.

Thank you more making it better. You bastard.

Certitude

Good day for a Monday. I lazed around all day basically doing nothing. Besides going out being stuff for dinner and then completely screwing it up. At least the mints were like flowers. I don't think I'm meant to cook. I believe whoever tries to keep in contact with me this summer are people who really want me around. We shall see!

Connaturalise

I went out for dinner at buffet 101 and it was wonderful. It was a pretty good day and I never felt so included in my life. I feel appreciated. I feel good about life at the moment.

Philter

Today was quite good. I just went shopping and browsing and came home with pasta. It wasn't as good where I like to get my pasta, But hey, I'd like any pasta really. I'm jealous of white people's food.

Coruscation

Day ten. It's the first day of my holidays and I must admit, I'm quite bored already. I somehow manage to fit everything I do throughout a nine hour period into three. I don't think I have anything better to do but facebook, watch youtube videos and browse for useless things.
I need to go out and do something.

Dear World, Inspire me. I need it.

Sanctuary

Almost forgot to write one for today.

I had a good day. I finished year 10 today.

Now I'm a senior.

I also got good marks.

Tended

Grab her around the neck, In an embrace. "Oh you're so sweet." Clutch her arm and dig your nails into her skin. Don't feel sorry, for I am not crying. Fake facade. "I'm fine." Biggest lie everyone tells. I will always be. Sometimes running isn't an option.

 Why am I doing this?

It does hurt. Why am I still standing here? Don't run. Trembling legs and weakened mind. "I don't understand you." How is this possible. I'm only hurting myself. I'm addicted to it. I know so.

All I really want is somebody to keep their promise.

Solitary

Day seven. I did shiet all.

I don't want the world to see me,
Because I don't think that they'd understand.

 Little did you know I cried next to you three times.

Blithesome

Hah, I thought today would of been for extravagant but apparently not. Maybe it was just the graduation. I kind of thought it would of been a fun and eventful thing. But hey, Whatever. I'm quite glad with my report as well. Serious, Quiet, Polite, Immature and distracted. I went to chocolate room afterward though. After a spending a long time at Centrelink. I had ice-cream and nachos today. Oh and gaming.

Harmonious

aI honestly don't have anything to write. I'm blank at the moment. I just went and watched Harry Potter, I had lunch and I saw this Ben Sherman bag that I wanted. Next time I'm going, I'm getting that bag. I hope I do anyways. Basically my day. I had fun. I graduate tomorrow. 

I have butterflies.

Tranquil

Day Four: I can pretty say I had a good day. It was just so nice and so calm. I wanna cry right now due to how happy I am. All I can say is  

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris.

Haha, You put me in one hell of a mood after such a monotonous week. I plan to have lunch tomorrow with Lucathar and watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I can't wait til graduate. This week is gunna be fun.

I'm excited.

And I'm also getting braces definitely. This has been the best year so far. It has more ups then downs I believe. Even though December makes me sad, I never felt so alive. Dear world, Give me your worst.

The world was so nice to me today.

Reminiscence

Day three. I'm so tired today. That quiet breeze with the clouds moving with the trees and that comfortable feeling where nothing else matters. Today was pretty uneventful like I said for the third time today. I have nothing to talk about... Monday I graduate. I got a school service award that I won't be attending to. Basically it. No more school fees please.

Endearment

Hello world! Another daily blog.. Thing. Okay, So today was basically just another average day of school where nothing really happened. Something about toilet paper and an awesome teacher leaving. We had a small party just for her. I'm fine now. Hold back the tears. Haha, It was a pretty good day overall. My uncle also gave me a call, I hope he lets me get the braces. Today was a pretty good day... Til next time.

Trying to avoid saying I'm sick of this place.

Indulgence

Okays, So today is the first day of December and I'm gunna try to blog everyday about.. Random stuff throughout my day. Haha, Not much happened today so I'll talk about yesterday, I went to my first orthodontist appointment and it was pretty awesome. I don't mean to sound dirty but I had a lot of things put in my mouth. Hahah. The mould tasted like pre-chewed bubblegum.

I also went out with Lucathar for nachos (which was pretty damn nice) and some chocolate + strawberry crepes (which I freaking loved).
Note: I still need to go get some Japanese crepes. Today was a rainy day but it wasn't a bother at all. Rain, How I love you more and more each time. Haha, I love my dogs. Omnomnom, My dear.

Quite Smitten

So many blog posts and status updates about love. I must warn you this is more of a rant. I'm glad though due to my posts haven't quite been the same. Love. Definition: A strong positive emotion of regard and affection, "Children need alot of love". I must admit I hate my generation for throwing this around so easily and simply call it love. It's pathetic. If you dare call that love then you are mistakenly wrong, dear.

If it's love, You wouldn't move on so quickly. If it's love you'll fight for it and won't give up until it's over. If it's love... Then your heart will damn sure well know it is. You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. - Dr.Seuss. I know I shouldn't complain because I like it when people show love instead of hate.. But when it's thrown away so easily, it quite aggravating.

And if you thought of sex when you read the picture above, 

Well then, Fxck you my dear.

I'd Fight

You asked me how can I keep smiling after all that has happened. First thing I thought was "Where do I get all my strength" Then I realised it was you. You're my hope. Every time I find my head hanging low and tears running down my cheeks I look into the sky and it's beauty.

It reminds me the the beautiful things in this world and somehow manage to catch my breath.

You're mysterious. It drew me in knowing if somebody's life can be that perfect. I was trying to figure you out. Sadly to say your sadness is what made me smile, I miss cheering you up. I miss you. Everything about you. Why am I so terrified? You didn't let me go. Stop confusing me.

I might be losing a little bit of hope but it doesn't mean this is over. I love you and always fight for you. Even if you doubt yourself for even a second. I never broken a promise, Deny it? Just keep smiling I suppose.

I got nothing else to do.

We Are Killing It

There are days where I seriously hate the world and it's people. It feels like I'm losing my fxcking mind. Sometimes I feel like I should just walk out without having a doubt and keep on walking. But sadly I have a fear which I damn myself for.

You might not know this but it feels like I'm hanging myself and your words are pushing the stool off my feet. Not because I'm being hated.. But more like people are hating you. If you can't save yourself, Then you obviously can't save me. Life is such a burden. Just keep smiling.

Dissolution

If you take your life...
You're actually taking two.

I Would Cry For You

Your blog is basically how much you hate the world and how much you hate living your life. I know I promised you something but that promise will break if you no longer exist. Where would I be without you? You told me to beat this and I will. I expect the same from you.

So don't you dare give up now. Ever.  

I need you. 

Don't leave me. I wouldn't know what to do.

I know what it feels like.

I Hate Waking Up

I guess I got nothing to say except I'm sorry. You two are the only people who know and today was so hard trying to find my way "home". I know you read this Tommy. I made a promise last night and I plan to keep it. Just remember, If you jump. I'll jump too. I love you.

Burried Deep

So I guess you're not talking to me anymore. I'm fine with that. I was looking at my diary and reading some of the things I wrote about you and I don't regret one bad thing I wrote about you. My opinion still stands.

"You were an original and can't be replaced".

That's alright though. I know I usually get even.. But I don't want to bring you back to the form I once found you in. People stay and people go. It's just one of life's cruel facts. “The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.” - Unknown. 

Okay, I changed my mind.

You've already been replaced.

Horror Show

Bloody finally. Finished all of the exams. I feel pretty confident with it. I reckon today was a pretty awesome day as well. Basically gamed all day with accents on. English, Science, History, Geography, Computer, Aced it. I can't wait to get my results back. I'm in a helluva good mood but I honestly do hate that feeling when you realise what you're doing is a test!

Palms sweating, Pressure building, Pencils tapping and people trembling. Okay, Question one. This is meant to be the easiest one.
Trying not to over think it too much. One by one, I answer them all. Leaving not a single one out. God, Can you stop sniffing so loudly?! That moment of doubt when everybody starts leaving.
Those small sounds that become loud and annoying.

Times up and I'm feeling pretty damn confident.

Burden

You've been on my mind lately.

And quite frankly...

You're heavy.

Get off.

Empty Glasses

I haven't been feeling so good the past few days.

I had a blood test today. Results on Thursday.

I think I might enjoy blood taken out of me. How fun. I wanna be them.

I'm in a good mood.

I Can Only Imagine What You're Painting

What not to keep around a trashed wrist:

01: A giftbag; Given to someone who thinks "its the thought that counts". It'll just bring you back to those days that you think they cared but really they don't know you at all. It'll make you think of your birthday and your uncle coming over asking "What died in here?" knowing it was your burnt birthday cake that you made for yourself but shamefully apologising due to the disgusted look he gave.

02: A watch; for only the time will tell how much of your life you are wasting. Somewhat fond memories will come up of you playing sports on the grass with your classmates only for someone to steal your moment of glory and then bitterly knocking you down when you thought you could take on the world. You'll just have your legs knocked down before you even had the chance to stand up.
It'll remind you how much time you've got left.

03: The grasping fingers of your partner for all it would do it bring you down and isolate you from the world. You would receive a mindful of memories that made you smile and laugh with warmth only to remind you now how cold and selfish you are now, thinking that the world is in your dept and owe you nothing less of what you deserve. I will write this all down during class and make a paper-plane and throw it outside the window hoping someone would pick it up but due to my isolation to the world I lack confidence.

I just want to scream and shout and scribble curse words on the walls.

The Tea's Gone Cold

I don't know how to answer your question when you ask me to stay. I haven't seen you in a while. How are you doing these days? I know you just want to protect me but the tables keep turning your way. What am I meant to do? Maybe this will have a happy ending. I'll try to stay strong and you and I will still be friends. I still don't know how to answer your question when you ask me to stay.

Broken-Hearted Insomniacs

01. I will hopefully see you again one of these days. I'll smell like plastic and I'll have my rebellious attitude (the way you always liked it) and your eyes will be tearing up when I kiss your cheek goodbye once more. You'll have days where you'll tell me we should have coffee once more but never go through with it. I gave you a scarf for your birthday. I will wonder if you still use it. Only on cloudy days though. Like that nice grey and blue colour your eyes become and then a nice subtle green. Time will stop for us once more.

02. We'll live like there's no tomorrow and make a mess that can only be a drag. That smile you give me when you call out my name will always linger around as you pronounce the syllables. We'll live like we're 14 again. Sharing hot chocolate and watching scary movies. There would be mathematical equations on your arm while poetry scribbled on mine. We'll sometime give each other that look and laugh over how we notice stupid things about each other.

03. You'll tell me everything you're thinking and I won't tell you anything. I always liked it better like that. I liked keeping my mystique. We'll stay up all night and you're just too beautiful to be sleeping at 7am where your eyes glow at it's best and your windows illuminate a rainbow. We'll become all sleepy and just catch a bus and hopefully it'll take us somewhere decent. You would make me smile through the tears I cry and that moment I realise how much I'm thankful. I would give you the most sorry look for hassling you with my problems and you would say

"I'm always here for you."

What a lie that was.

Is She Not?

I'm afraid to admit to people that I no longer believe in you. Seems like you just walked out one day and never appeared to me ever again. I know I'm not that person anymore... But I miss you in my life and I wish I believed in you like I did before.

I'm kind of sad just thinking how simplistic my mind was and how easy it was to accept everything you've taught me. I have no hope and I have no faith. I've got to tell you, It hasn't been easy.That day... You've punched some sense into me and made believe...
How you never really existed.
What was I thinking?

 

When did life get so hard?

Cut Away

Not once you were ever interesting in anything I did with my life. You never praised me or asked me about my day. You're filled with empty promises so I'm going to break your promise in return.

Let me know when you truly give a damn.

One of these days I'm not going to be around anymore. Then you can honestly tell me how useless and worthless I really am. Then you'll realise how much you needed me instead of thinking how much I needed you because I can say truthfully, I don't need you at all.

I'll wait for that day to come.

Some Lie That Was

You're just making it worst for yourself. I've said this more than enough but I seriously can't stand people. They can't be trusted or relied on. So sick of it. I rather go a life time not knowing people rather than having a 5 minute shoulder to cry on. I must go tell my friends how I'm not going anymore. You probably think this is about you but keep in note,

I'm mad at all of you.

Anyways, It's Satan's birthday tomorrow. If you don't know Satan, You obviously don't know me enough. Haha, Happy birthday, Lovely! I hope you have one hell of a day tomorrow. Try not eating too many souls at your gathering tomorrow night. Oh hey, 100th blog.

It's My Life

For some strange odd reason, I honestly thought I don't belong here at all. I'm surrounded by rotten people and it's such a drag. Stop emotionally toying with me. I guess it takes a lot to learn a lesson. I hope you know where you stand with me today cause for the first time today,

I felt I should of deserved better.

I know I shouldn't be bitching but I hate this place and you can't say anything about that and you know why?  
This is my fxcking blog and I'm sick of people.

Not Tonight

I want to be able to wear a floral dress and feel happy with the way I look. I want to go a day without caring what I look like. I wanna go a day without hearing a judgmental comment. But sadly, This isn't my life.

I do feel self conscience when I'm in a dress and I refuse to wear one in public. I can't go a day without caring because all I see are reflections and it annoys me. Everybody is judgmental and I hear it in everybody.
Ah wells. I'll get over it in due time. Maybe. 

Screw Thinspiration

I hate skinny chicks who make fun of fat chicks for their weight. Not everybody can be as skinny as you so shut the hell up you self-absorbed bitch. To all those chicks out there who feel self conscience about their body, Think about this. Marilyn Monroe is a famous sex icon and she's known for her gorgeous beauty. Guess the best part. She's a size 14. Who gives a crap if you're not a size 0.

The world is filled with different type of people. Who gives a damn what other people say.You're on this planet to make a differences to somebody. Screw people and their words.

Tell Me Who To Be

I want to drink coffee where it's quiet with only the sounds of other people lightly talking upon each other. I want to take photos where the world will stand still for. I want to lie in the grass watching the sun go pass me. I want to just walk forever knowing you'll be by my side. Don't jump.

I'm too tired for this.

These Are The Questions

Look deep into my eyes. Tell me, What do you see? What do you think of when you think of me? Am I that sweet girl I pretend to be? That loyal and faithful one? Or are you just using me? Am I a means to an end? Am I the secret love of your life, The one you can't live without? Or am I just that good time, that piece of trash you'll soon throw out. Tell me.

Am I that mean girl who scares you and scream mean things? Or am I the one being tortured? When you think of me, Do you tell anyone what you think? Am I that girl you forgot a long time ago? Who you forgot her name, Her face and her voice. Or do you spend your nights awake worrying about me and what I'm getting myself up to?

Am I that weird girl, The one you put down? Or am I that girl you cherish, The one everybody calls precious? How about that girl, Who likes to toy with death and tries to spread her hate to everybody? Or am I that vibrant girl who loves the smell of rain and protects everything?

Who do you think I am? Do you even know me that much? There are so many sides of me but there's only a few that I ever show.
What do you think of me now?

Summer Love

Belong To Someone Else

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm too afraid to live life right now. I can't look anybody in the face and tell them how I really feel. This feeling is killing me. I don't need your sympathy. I don't deserve your sympathy. I need your help but nobody would help me. I don't blame them. They have their own problems after all.

But when I help you with your problems, I expect you to return the favor and help me back in my time of need. You have no idea what it feels to be me. I must sound like the biggest, whiny bitch right now because my posts aren't like this at all.

"God, I thought I was going to have an asthma attack."

"Don't go dying on me now! Haha!"

Can you please.. Say that again. I know people don't read this because they don't bother but if you are reading this, Can you please tell me something along these lines. I know that I need people.. But it'll be nice to hear it back. I never felt so unloved and unneeded... Fxck this rotten world.

It's 4 in the morning and I can't fxcking sleep. 
Damn this God forsaken world.
It's frightening. 

Update; Nobody fxcking bothered telling me to live. Fxck all of you's. 

Lack Of Anything

Fxck this.
This can't be my life.

Just A Little While

Maybe for just a moment, Just a little while, 

I could watch you smile without you knowing 

and without my eyes tearing up at the sides.

I hate looking at people from my past.

They all seem to of broke me a little

And if they smile I get a little sad.

I don't know why to be honest.

This hasn't happened to me for...

About a year and a bit now....Thank fxck.

Says I

I've been wondering. What makes a friend.. A friend? Definition, Friend: A person you know well and regard with affection and trust; "She was my best friend in high school". I have a lot of free time on my hands so wasted my time and I summed it down and here are some points.

You know they are a friend when;

• Then can ruin your life and make it fall apart.
• They can easily destroy you and your trust.
• They can tell the world your secrets.
• They could hurt you more than anybody else.
• They can kill you with just their words.
• They can break your heart.

So that was my conclusion of what a friend is. It's not all the points but it's the main one through my eyes but for some reason you stick around anyways because you know.. Deep down, They won't.

 

Children Who Dream

Don't let it be. I'm sorry but I hate to be paranoid. Don't let it be me. I don't like what you're saying and what your trying to achieve. Please don't let it be. We've only started anew and you're giving up already. I'm not waiting for my 15 minutes of fame. I'm waiting for you to answer me.

I am very impatient and I hate sticking around.

I'll spend hours laying on the grass and think if what I did was something to be proud of or something I should regret. Don't make me regret it. Please. I don't care how long it'll take me. I'll chase shadows down the streets if I have to. Don't let me wait under the moon for nothing.
I'll be waiting but remember, I'm impatient.

What am I suppose to do.

Strike Me Down

Well done karma. You once again somehow managed to ruin what was meant to be a perfect day. Even though I blame you more than I blame karma. I don't know why the world is so twisted. Everything's just upside down but sometime tells me that It was basically my fault. It was from the very beginning. It somehow manage to slip from my grasp and gets further out of control.

I've done something again the rules. I broke an unwritten law. A code that no one told me about. I'm always fallen short to somebody's expectations and with that I lost expectations for myself. The world is so screwed up and it's just easier not to care. Not worth to be somebody and not worth being. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. So everyday you'll remind me how much I let you down and how much I failed you.

At something you couldn't ever do but expect me to. I'm not failing to be honest. You're just setting me up to fail and you know it right to the bone that you are. I'll never reach your standards and I already know the world is broken. Everyone knows that and you still blame me. I don't even remember doing it. Do me a favour and please just walk out.

You Ruined Winter

You left me a message a couple of days ago. 

I laugh at how you've "moved" up in life. I'm quite glad.

01: If I ever see you again I'll look the other way. Pretending that I never saw you. I would want to hug you... But not after what you did and if you confront me I'm going to call you every bad word you've imagined. Sadly, I'll make you regret ever meeting me. I frankly don't care.

02: Well, Here I am 2 years later writing a poem about you. I promised myself that I wouldn't care anymore.. But.. Here I am typing away what I wish I would of done. You've made the biggest impact but yet you walked out so easily. Now you're just like everyone else. I said this a year ago too.

03: I'll imagine all the things I would want to tell you. I'll scream it in my head. There's this guy at school who reminds me of you. What am I doing at this time of night. You can't scream at me then walk away with a congratulation. You're not confident enough. Which explains your second letter, Apologising. I couldn't stop smiling on how pathetic you are.

Remorseful

You look through empty windows and think it should be raining over yourself. You trace around objects that are dusty thinking you'll grow accustom to these bad habits. You won't love him tomorrow you say. It's not going away that easily. This feeling of regret, You put yourself into. You won't tell him the truth and I won't say it either because it's not my place. I believe one sad soul is better than one guilt ridden of a liar one.

You're getting yourself into a mess. You lie about everything and even about how your day went. He sometimes joke about meaningless things you sometimes wish they were true. You should be glad that he closed the window and opened a door instead. He loves you. He says his lucky he can talk to you about anything while you're telling him to 

"Shut up, I don't want to hear it."

You wish he'll do something drastically wrong.

You want him to hurt you already.

You wish he'd give you a excuse and reason to leave.

But when he does, Don't come back to me and realise what a mistake it was closing that door.

Don't Seek For Me

Animania was yesterday and let me say, It was freaking awesome. I didn't dress up like I wanted to but hey, I still got to wear something. I was so jealous of what the other cosplayers were wearing though. It was so cool. They were so cute and so freaking tall. Jeez. Models much? Ah, I had a helluva day with Tommy Lam and I'm still tired. I hope to go with more people next year with more costumes.

• Pedo Bear
• Kuroshitsuji Cosplay
• Maids, Lolita ans Butlers
• Buying badges, Panda hat and sword.
• Spending a heaps load of of money on nothing.
 

I still have your picture on your wall. I still think about to this very day. I've been thinking for weeks. I still go back to those places we went. You mean every little things to me. I miss you more every time I think about you.

Stars Are Holding You

Your heart sinks the first time but after that, It comes natural as breathing and yes I really did cry for the first time because not everyone can be that strong. You were like a marionette that had spider webs for strings. I breath out.

We're both accidents. We're just waiting it to happen. One step after the other. This isn't insanity. We're only here to fill up space and make up for the lack of colour. I take another breath in. You swallowed your ego and lined up to nothing but a sugar-coated insults. Why are you doing this to yourself? I don't like hearing you weep on the phone.
I'd rather a dead-me than a dead-you.

I exhale. Don't you cry. I'll help you when no body else will. We're all bad people but I'm perfectly happy with the way I am. Don't give up on me because you couldn't keep the promise. You say you're trigger happy but I know you only want out. I wasn't lying. I think I'm going to pass out.

[ FM Static - Tonight ]

Wrong Time Of Place

Let me tell you a story, A tale or even a song, Of my nightmares, My dreams and all the things I've done wrong. I can't list them all here but if your here long enough, I might tell you the truth. So here it goes.

The truth is I have no story to tell. No tale or song to sing. I'm really just a hypocrite and I just wanted to catch your attention.
So tell me, darling dear. Did it work?

[ Damien Rice - 9 Crimes ]

I'm actually feeling quite lonely.

Awakening

It's been raining all day. Don't know why I feel so attached to this world right now. This is my home and this is my death. I give out a heavy sigh. The grey clouds seem endless and makes everything look so bleak. I lean to my left and I see branches from the rose tapping against my window... I shiver from the wind's bitter touch. I pull my legs closer and lean against my knees.

I have a pile of paper cranes sitting at the edge of my desk and a small gap from the window blow them off. I put them on top of my drawers so they don't fall again. I waited silently waiting for the spring rain to cease. The wind began to pick up. I always did enjoy the sound of rain. I close my eyes for just a second and I daze off for longer than expected.

It's

like

a

nonrhythmic

song.

The sounds of my dogs barking snap me out of it. For those few minutes.. I was at my peace. I can hear my neighbour's gate creek and birds tweeting outside. The rain slowly began to die down. I place the paper cranes where they use to be but the wind blows them off again... Comforting.

Darling Dear

I don't have a problem with myself. I run into puddles and I kick everything I see on the ground as I walk along. I mime the lyrics of the songs I'm listening to and get excited to the next song that comes up... Only forgetting that I'm the only one that can hear my iPod.

I sworn that you were my mortal enemy because simply you yelled at me one day. I'm quite shorter than most girls but hey, Somebody has to be. I'll stay up past midnight watching things I did 10 years ago and smile because television distracted me from the world.

I love to draw but I usually give up in the end and scribble across everything so I can't go back. I'm always curious of strangers on the street and wonder what happened in there lives. I know who I am. I know what I'm like. I honestly don't have a problem with myself...

Or least I keep telling myself that.

A Second Glance

This is a game of chess and sometimes you got to make sacrifices. Every move means something. Whether you regret it afterward or proud of what you've done. There's nothing you can do about it.

And now we play the waiting games with the silver silences, Personal circle of thoughts and gutless hints. I'm subjecting you onto my ponderous nonsense. I can't force these eyes to see the end.

And I'm sorry too. I don't know how to make it all better.

Cho lau hon mot chut.

I'm Easy To Forget

I know that look in your eyes. I've seen it one too many times. I see it in different people but I would never think I would see it in you. From somebody who I thought once mattered.

It's clear what I am to you. I'm just a simple memory. Just a muddle up and an imagination of your thoughts. Small. Insignificant and easily discarded.

But that's okay with me, love... Because you won't ever be forgotten. I think it's clear what we mean to each other and no matter how selfish, stubborn and cold we were. We're distant to each other now but somebody like me is easily forgettable.