The Tea's Gone Cold

I don't know how to answer your question when you ask me to stay. I haven't seen you in a while. How are you doing these days? I know you just want to protect me but the tables keep turning your way. What am I meant to do? Maybe this will have a happy ending. I'll try to stay strong and you and I will still be friends. I still don't know how to answer your question when you ask me to stay.

Broken-Hearted Insomniacs

01. I will hopefully see you again one of these days. I'll smell like plastic and I'll have my rebellious attitude (the way you always liked it) and your eyes will be tearing up when I kiss your cheek goodbye once more. You'll have days where you'll tell me we should have coffee once more but never go through with it. I gave you a scarf for your birthday. I will wonder if you still use it. Only on cloudy days though. Like that nice grey and blue colour your eyes become and then a nice subtle green. Time will stop for us once more.

02. We'll live like there's no tomorrow and make a mess that can only be a drag. That smile you give me when you call out my name will always linger around as you pronounce the syllables. We'll live like we're 14 again. Sharing hot chocolate and watching scary movies. There would be mathematical equations on your arm while poetry scribbled on mine. We'll sometime give each other that look and laugh over how we notice stupid things about each other.

03. You'll tell me everything you're thinking and I won't tell you anything. I always liked it better like that. I liked keeping my mystique. We'll stay up all night and you're just too beautiful to be sleeping at 7am where your eyes glow at it's best and your windows illuminate a rainbow. We'll become all sleepy and just catch a bus and hopefully it'll take us somewhere decent. You would make me smile through the tears I cry and that moment I realise how much I'm thankful. I would give you the most sorry look for hassling you with my problems and you would say

"I'm always here for you."

What a lie that was.

Is She Not?

I'm afraid to admit to people that I no longer believe in you. Seems like you just walked out one day and never appeared to me ever again. I know I'm not that person anymore... But I miss you in my life and I wish I believed in you like I did before.

I'm kind of sad just thinking how simplistic my mind was and how easy it was to accept everything you've taught me. I have no hope and I have no faith. I've got to tell you, It hasn't been easy.That day... You've punched some sense into me and made believe...
How you never really existed.
What was I thinking?

 

When did life get so hard?

Cut Away

Not once you were ever interesting in anything I did with my life. You never praised me or asked me about my day. You're filled with empty promises so I'm going to break your promise in return.

Let me know when you truly give a damn.

One of these days I'm not going to be around anymore. Then you can honestly tell me how useless and worthless I really am. Then you'll realise how much you needed me instead of thinking how much I needed you because I can say truthfully, I don't need you at all.

I'll wait for that day to come.

Some Lie That Was

You're just making it worst for yourself. I've said this more than enough but I seriously can't stand people. They can't be trusted or relied on. So sick of it. I rather go a life time not knowing people rather than having a 5 minute shoulder to cry on. I must go tell my friends how I'm not going anymore. You probably think this is about you but keep in note,

I'm mad at all of you.

Anyways, It's Satan's birthday tomorrow. If you don't know Satan, You obviously don't know me enough. Haha, Happy birthday, Lovely! I hope you have one hell of a day tomorrow. Try not eating too many souls at your gathering tomorrow night. Oh hey, 100th blog.

It's My Life

For some strange odd reason, I honestly thought I don't belong here at all. I'm surrounded by rotten people and it's such a drag. Stop emotionally toying with me. I guess it takes a lot to learn a lesson. I hope you know where you stand with me today cause for the first time today,

I felt I should of deserved better.

I know I shouldn't be bitching but I hate this place and you can't say anything about that and you know why?  
This is my fxcking blog and I'm sick of people.

Not Tonight

I want to be able to wear a floral dress and feel happy with the way I look. I want to go a day without caring what I look like. I wanna go a day without hearing a judgmental comment. But sadly, This isn't my life.

I do feel self conscience when I'm in a dress and I refuse to wear one in public. I can't go a day without caring because all I see are reflections and it annoys me. Everybody is judgmental and I hear it in everybody.
Ah wells. I'll get over it in due time. Maybe. 

Screw Thinspiration

I hate skinny chicks who make fun of fat chicks for their weight. Not everybody can be as skinny as you so shut the hell up you self-absorbed bitch. To all those chicks out there who feel self conscience about their body, Think about this. Marilyn Monroe is a famous sex icon and she's known for her gorgeous beauty. Guess the best part. She's a size 14. Who gives a crap if you're not a size 0.

The world is filled with different type of people. Who gives a damn what other people say.You're on this planet to make a differences to somebody. Screw people and their words.

Tell Me Who To Be

I want to drink coffee where it's quiet with only the sounds of other people lightly talking upon each other. I want to take photos where the world will stand still for. I want to lie in the grass watching the sun go pass me. I want to just walk forever knowing you'll be by my side. Don't jump.

I'm too tired for this.

These Are The Questions

Look deep into my eyes. Tell me, What do you see? What do you think of when you think of me? Am I that sweet girl I pretend to be? That loyal and faithful one? Or are you just using me? Am I a means to an end? Am I the secret love of your life, The one you can't live without? Or am I just that good time, that piece of trash you'll soon throw out. Tell me.

Am I that mean girl who scares you and scream mean things? Or am I the one being tortured? When you think of me, Do you tell anyone what you think? Am I that girl you forgot a long time ago? Who you forgot her name, Her face and her voice. Or do you spend your nights awake worrying about me and what I'm getting myself up to?

Am I that weird girl, The one you put down? Or am I that girl you cherish, The one everybody calls precious? How about that girl, Who likes to toy with death and tries to spread her hate to everybody? Or am I that vibrant girl who loves the smell of rain and protects everything?

Who do you think I am? Do you even know me that much? There are so many sides of me but there's only a few that I ever show.
What do you think of me now?

Summer Love

Belong To Someone Else

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm too afraid to live life right now. I can't look anybody in the face and tell them how I really feel. This feeling is killing me. I don't need your sympathy. I don't deserve your sympathy. I need your help but nobody would help me. I don't blame them. They have their own problems after all.

But when I help you with your problems, I expect you to return the favor and help me back in my time of need. You have no idea what it feels to be me. I must sound like the biggest, whiny bitch right now because my posts aren't like this at all.

"God, I thought I was going to have an asthma attack."

"Don't go dying on me now! Haha!"

Can you please.. Say that again. I know people don't read this because they don't bother but if you are reading this, Can you please tell me something along these lines. I know that I need people.. But it'll be nice to hear it back. I never felt so unloved and unneeded... Fxck this rotten world.

It's 4 in the morning and I can't fxcking sleep. 
Damn this God forsaken world.
It's frightening. 

Update; Nobody fxcking bothered telling me to live. Fxck all of you's. 

Lack Of Anything

Fxck this.
This can't be my life.