Watch Me Fall

I remember in primary school you stuck up for me. Yeah, I still remember. It made me happy. Now I resent you. I'm saddened by you but most of all I'm disappointed in you. Maybe because you stopped caring after a while and I became emotionally attached to everything to fill the void.

I'm only kidding myself when I do that though. I cook my own food. I get my needs. I buy my own clothes. I practically take care of myself. I don't know whether to be proud of myself or hurt from the fact I was forced to become independent or I wouldn't make it. I think that did me a lot more worst than good.

Take A Peek

I realise how much of a different person I am when I'm at my lowest. I'm aggressive, I'm silent, I become very selfish and hate everything. I don't know why. I guess this is me trying to get back at the world. I hurt the people I'm closest too. I stay in bed all day. I avoid human contact as much as people. I'm cruel.

But when I am myself, I'm cheery, I'm thoughtful and giddy. I like me better like this. And in my mind, I think I've been happy for too long. Any time now, I'll have a dropping point. I don't have many friends. It's probably cause I don't put in enough effort. That's sad.

Fxck.

Side To Side

My trust for people is rapidly decreasing. Or maybe because technology is replacing human existences for me. I wanna go somewhere but can't stand being alone. I got to dare myself.

Burn This Place Down

I hate being up so late. Makes me feel like I'm the only person on this planet. Even my dogs are asleep. Can't sleep. No one to talk to.

What am I meant to do.

I Fell Too

I just want to fall asleep forever

and never see another goddamn living face.

I'm trying to make myself sick and then I never have to leave my room ever again.

Be Brave

People judge things in hate. People disapprove in things in ignorance and people disagree due to misunderstanding. Why do people find a need to point out the "flaws" in their life. It's their lifestyle, It's their choice and they cannot help what they are and what they look like.

Why should how they live their life bother you. "They're going to hell" How good do you have to be to be considered a good person? Must I donate my organs? Conform to society or save somebody's life? Even if I did all of these things people will still hate me. They are people out there that love and care unconditionally. I'm sadly not one of those people but those are the truly beautiful people.

Maybe then this gaping hole from my childhood will be filled.

Sand City

My boyfriend reads this.

I love you.

Idiot.

Helios

What's that? My dog is sick. Sniffling and sitting with the broken chains of my old swing set. Breath in and never breath out. Watch the gold haze lower as a girl walks over. Soft, orange hair. I'll be off my way now. Drawing nothing but zebra stripes into my stockings.

You and I are twinning into this madness. What makes you think I won't do it today. I can't help you anymore than I can't help myself.

"I felt so ashamed that it had taken me this long.

I wasn't the only one running from something."

Weightless

It's something about the state of mind that makes the person think badly of themselves when the night creeps in. I'm one of those people. I'm not alone. I make up scenarios in my head of what could happen, how would I continue and what type of shattered person would I be.

I like my ordinary life. I get excited when something dramatic happen. I'm not ready. I'm grateful. I'm sympathetic. So much that I feel like I need to hold other people's griefs on my shoulders. I feel helpless. Useless and weak. I need to stay happy or else my walls come crashing down.

Not Worth The Money

Just as I thought you were gone. You somehow manage to pop up again. Love will find you. Everyone has friends that are worth keeping but sadly you are not. Stop worrying about me and worry about your damn self. Its what you're good at. It's always you anyways.

I know, I'm shameless. I'm cruel. I'm a bitch. You are weak, feeble and feed on other people sympathy for your confidence. It's not called friendship. Please know the differences. It's becoming very shuddersome and if I ever see you again, I'd probably stab you with my house keys.

Dream Girl

Do you ever find yourself thinking of the most inhumane things. I do. I hate myself. "It's just a phase" I'll get better. You don't know it yet, but you might save my life. I see all types of kindness even when I pretend to. I just need time to be me. I don't want to pretend I care any longer.

Unconcerned

So today was the last day for school. For my at least. I had assignments that were due. Unsatisfied really. I had a essay to write and I went to an art gallery. It was wonderful. I'm happy.

Are You Afraid?

So there's this cat. Sookie. Well, Number 2. Fluffy, One eye, Skinny, Patchy and homeless. Every time I come home after 5, There he is. At the corner shop. I would see him and buy or give him food. Seems like he likes me, Even with my dogs' scent on me.

So today was different, I saw him. I smiled and ran up to catch up to him. I saw him run as well. Why? Because there was a car coming, I figured he'd make it. But no, A land rover belonging to a dickface decides to speed up and run him over. I stop. The Indian guy walks across the road and kicks him to see if it was alive. I run across the road without checking. Becoming all teary.

I pick him up, All bloody. Put him on the curb and run to the payphone to call RSPCA. He walked into the pizza shop with a limp. I stayed with him for 30 minutes. He wouldn't even eat anything I gave him. A man with a dish rag decides to cover him up but Sookie doesn't know him. He runs off dripping a trail of blood. He becomes unreachable. I walk up to the house that he ran towards. "He'll be alright". I fxcking hope so.

I can't believe someone would do something like this to you.

He sort of look like this, But he has grey eyes.

I hope you're fine.

Skin To Bones

Some days my mind doesn't turn off. I think of countless possibilities and how things could of turned out to be different. I can't snap out of that state. I've been so paranoid lately, I've been biting my fingers until they bleed. Maybe nail-polish will make me stop. It hurts to type now.

They Went That Way

I don't want to talk... I just want to eat my cookies.