No Life Boats

I wanted to be comfortable. I had one thing to say. But I couldn't decide what I wanted to share. Maybe I was just too afraid. Or how I hurt myself intentionally. Maybe because I was abused. Lost trust in humanity. I'm disgusting by my own kind. I wanted to cry. You were so open with yours. Told us everything. I believe if I had the choice to say more than one thing about me, I would of said everything.

I didn't like being put on the spot to tell one secret. Everyone was listening. I froze. I was a secretive person. All I had to say. Cheeks burned red. I just wanted to scream everything out. Maybe it's a sign that I wanted help but too weak and uncomfortable around people. Now I wish I was greedier. Today could of changed something in me.

How I hate myself more than anything.

Eat Or Be Eaten

Jealousy is a poison. Whether it be for love or envy. It isn't love. It's possession. We'll always be jealous because people can make what they got better than what you make of it. I need a reminder. Why the hell I'm so obsessed to begin with.

Hell, If that girl was me. I would of tore you down bit by bit. If only she knew me. Would she still think of you the same? I don't mind. I have no intentions of ruining this relationship. I think I should give you a go. Without your guide, What will you do? Ask your brother? No. His with me. He always did treat me better than you did.

Regret is waiting for you. I can't be your shadow. You lost the love you love most. There's no more chances. You can't go around leaving empty holes in where people's hearts use to be. You can't ask me anymore. I'm not there to be found.

Standing Last

Hurting yourself. Just to see what it feels. The pain is real. It's the state I'm in and it won't go away. I have no prayers. Praying to a god, who won't listen. I don't think he ever did. I don't think I need him in my time in shame anyway. There's nothing for me. I wish you could see me for who I truly was.

This is me.

I've let you down. I will make you hurt. I'm one to let down. For everything I've done. You'll leave me alone. Everyone does. Why do I act as a fool. I can't ask for forgiveness. I don't know what to do. Just look at me life and what's left. Beneath all this wreak. I cannot contain what I have become to make you hurt this way. You were everything and all I did was push it all away. Trust was an excuse.

I hurt today. I still feel it. It's only real. It won't go away, The state I'm in. I can no longer pray. I secretly know you pray for me though. I wish for nothing more than to see you smile. Not to me. Never to me.

Plead

She was alone. Ribs closing into her. No one could enter. She wanted to venture the world. Wanted to explore the light. She can't keep her fears at bay. The sun scorched her pale eyes. Delicate skin blistering under the sun's crude fingers. She fought every weary step. Her past kept her at her ankles.

Her supple frame being broken down. Greedily feeding on the life that she held on so tightly. Cracking her already broken bones. Then came the rain. Selfless. She begged for mercy. Her hoarse whispering voice. Her soul was crumbling. Her body can no longer protect her. No mercy from his hands. Where is the hope, love, forgiveness? Where are the legions of angels?

Embrace her salvation and love. Her flesh was being soothed. Her fears are forever banished by the subject of mercy.

Meant For You

I need this right now. Relief. Relaxation. Vent. Just me. I need stress to go away.

You Asked

How my day went? I under-dressed for the weather. So it was chilly. I waited for the bus per usual. Met a gentleman who I had a nice conversation with photography. I got some lunch. Ponderously walked around for a seat. No luck so I ate outside where men played chess. The giant pieces. I finished. Sat there for an hour. Met a man who drinks wine out of a plastic bottle.Went home.

Now It's 3:30 in the morning and I couldn't be anymore lonely. It's weird how you can have people around and you still feel lonely. 

Never Let Her

Someone once told me that scars are like tattoos but with a deeper meaning.

Puppets

I want to get better.

Give Me Everything

I did it for a reason. I have no regret. It hurts, yes. I acted on my impulse and it was my choice so I have no reason to be ashamed. No reason to be guilty. No reason to feel anything at all. I'm acting like it's nothing. But when you find out, Will you want to be my friend anymore? Want to know me anymore. Have anything to do with me?

I lost track on how many times this has happened. They say I'm crazy. I say they're right. I can let it happened. I didn't do it for you. I did it for me. I'm obsessed with sense and reason, cause and consequence. I'm just making things worst.

Can't Go

One meal a day. Lack of movement. Reduction of light. Why the hell am I torturing myself. Of course I can depend on my immune system to come crashing down with me. If my life had a face, I'd punch it. Being me is sickening sometimes. 

Most Of Us Just Miss

I didn't know It was going to end like this.

Bed

Comfort. Loved. Safe. Wanted. Needed. Happy. Tired. Always there. Warm. Shelter. Trust. Lovely. Cosy.

Legit World

I seemed to embark on a trip that I planning at all. Things happen. Not the proudest of things. Now all that's left of me is regret.

I'm at my lowest.