Olivander

I always joked around pretending that none of that stuff bothers me but it does. I don't like to admit it, But I have triggers and they scare me everyday. I don't have triggers over horrible images. Instead I hear a certain song, watch a certain television show or smell a familiar scent that I deem is good but suddenly my head tells me no and ruins that good moment for me.

My past was shit but It had good elements which I'm finding difficult to enjoy now that I'm an adult. I live with a family of 3 and it's difficult to watch whenever they argue over something. To them it's the smallest fight but in my head it escalates much further than that. I end up hiding in my room most of the time pretending that none of it is happening. 

My head makes it feel like reality. It's petrifying. I slowly do end up bringing myself back to the moment and differentiating what story my head is trying to make and what is really happening. I don't know what my mind is trying to tell me but all I have to say is that I am not my past and I refuse to let you have a grip on me today.