Priorities Messed Up

Some people are just addicted to some things. Anger. Gossip. Drugs. Anything to make them feel better. In a bad mood.

Down That Road

I stand on this earth knowing how cruel humans can be. There is no "limit" on what's too far. Someone will always push the boundaries. It's sometimes just better to keep your mouth shut and keep to yourself. You can't trust this generation. What seemed to be carefree and trustworthy life completely turned into paranoia and needing to make sure unwanted guest aren't around.

I don't have any big secrets. Not to tell anybody. I don't trust other people with needless information. It might be important but it's not worth the chaos. I had too many people just toy with my life with stuff that could of been easily avoided but some people are addicted to drama. Trust doesn't come easily. Not without exchange.

Like It's The Last

I had a pretty nice day. It was just lovely. I was told I was far from a idiot. I was treated kindly and I don't know. I just felt really good today. I guess after the rain, the sun shines. Bed time.

Helvetes Jävlar

It was only 12 hours ago where we were having a deep and meaningful conversation. I'm okay with saying whatever that comes into my mind out loud. I'm comfortable with retelling stories that I haven't even thought of for a long while. It's nice to get everything out there.

I Couldn't Give To You

I think I'm gunna try to be honest as possible. No games. No hidden messages. I think about death everyday. I always want to die a certain way. I don't want to grow old and die in my bed or whatever. I don't want some typical death. I want to be in a car accident, be murdered, overdose. What ever it is. I don't like myself. Never honestly did.

I'm not a genuine person. But I know them. And believe me, I would give up everything just for them. Their happiness means more to me than my own. They are my purpose. And those days where I feel unneeded and unwanted, Apart of me dies and the only thought going through my head is, I just want to go to sleep in a hole and die. 

My very first thoughts in the morning use to be "I'm still alive". I knew I didn't wanna exist anymore. Maybe not in this place. Just somewhere else. Where I could be somebody else. I want to manipulate my life. I change myself just to be make people around me happy. I couldn't care less who I was. It wasn't a good feeling anyway. I'm done.

The Best For You

I'm just sad, Okay? I just need to you to be okay with that. I'll figure it out. Believe me, I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours.

Otherwise

It's not easy to forgive. Not truly. We tend to remember and it haunts us a little. We know that. When you ripped those rosary beads from me, It felt like my soul was getting crushed. Never hurt more. How can you call yourself honest. I'm a devil worshiper according to your rumors. You'll pay for your sins. There's no such thing as pure. Not in this damned world.

But I hope you know you stripped religion right out of my blood. Society is messed up and so is your mind. I'll never preach like the way you do. But my thoughts won't go unheard. I'm glad that I rid of you out of my sanctuary. I use to be religious.

No Words

Not many people hear what I truly want to say. They don't want to talk. They don't want to listen. They care so little for my plea of help but since I've met you. You seem to be always there. When I need some of your time. When no body else gives me theirs... I just don't know. All I can do is write these lines for you.

I wish I could give it all back. A hundred times more. I'm breaking down because it's more than I could ever ask for. More than I what I deserve. Truly. You're more than what you make yourself out in worth. I thank you so much. With every part of my heart. For keeping your doors open. A friend like you. I never thought we'd have this connection.

I thought this wasn't going to last long. Never having to have this connection. Not like this. But every part of my heart that I poured out. You managed to keep. This is everything I have. To give you my words of gratefulness. And in case we do ever grow apart one day. Just remember we're in this together and because of you, I'm here.

It's Not That Difficult

I was probably at the most happiest points today. It didn't last long but it felt good. I truly do hate it when my mind wonders off thinking about something so irrelevant. So pointless. "Do you feel like you have a purpose in life?" I honestly don't. I hate it when people tell me their life plans because I know they got their life sorted out.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to eat tomorrow. I hate being indecisive. I hate analysing everything so I don't make a mistake. When's the last time I've done something without thinking twice about it. When's the last time I've done something new. What the hell am I doing with myself. Nothing but harm.