I Couldn't Give To You

I think I'm gunna try to be honest as possible. No games. No hidden messages. I think about death everyday. I always want to die a certain way. I don't want to grow old and die in my bed or whatever. I don't want some typical death. I want to be in a car accident, be murdered, overdose. What ever it is. I don't like myself. Never honestly did.

I'm not a genuine person. But I know them. And believe me, I would give up everything just for them. Their happiness means more to me than my own. They are my purpose. And those days where I feel unneeded and unwanted, Apart of me dies and the only thought going through my head is, I just want to go to sleep in a hole and die. 

My very first thoughts in the morning use to be "I'm still alive". I knew I didn't wanna exist anymore. Maybe not in this place. Just somewhere else. Where I could be somebody else. I want to manipulate my life. I change myself just to be make people around me happy. I couldn't care less who I was. It wasn't a good feeling anyway. I'm done.