Eden

I've become reckless. These days I can't seem to look at anybody in the face unless they're the disposable kind. It's so wrong to say but I suppose it's acceptable in our modern day to sleep around and never speak a word to them again. I've become almost dependant on meeting strangers and having to be constantly drunk to have a connection with somebody.

I can't ruin things. I'll move onto the next thing. No responsibility. No strings attached. Casual. Subtle terms we enjoy using because it sounds less hurtful for the other person. We all know what we're doing. It's not the best way with dealing with things but it's better than getting drunk alone and trying to fall asleep without waking up in a hospital. 

I haven't become more social or more outgoing as people think. They like me more like this. But even I can't deny knowing that I'm ruining myself just to feel slightly okay for maybe 20 minutes. That faux intimacy, those vacant cuddles and then being able to walk around with the mindset that you didn't need any of that but lord, did it make you feel better about yourself.

I can't say I hate it though. Not completely.