Alright

I was reading our old messages. I always seem to keep the ones that evoke the most emotion. It just remind me on how much I was a shallow, bitter and selfish person towards you. No one else will be as lovely, kind and gentle with me as you were. No body will love me to the extent that you did. I've grown a lot since and I know that we could never be a thing again.

Not because of you obviously. I just won't change my bad habits unfortunately. Even for the one I love the most. I suppose it's written into my soul. But I'm happy. Knowing that you're far away from me and hoping that somebody else is making you happier than I ever did. "I'm proud because you didn't cut". That was a good habit. I wish I was as clean as you want me to be. 

I'm not sober. I'm not well. It'll always feel like I'm "recovering". I miss you because you truly did better myself and life actually seemed like a pleasure to experience. I'm trying to take care of myself cause I know that is what you want but sometimes my personalities seep through and air begins to feel rough. I believe I haven't experienced love since you left.

I'm not sure if I should cry or smile at that.