I'm terrified of returning to hospital but right now it feels like the only safe place I've got left. I am needing reassurance, affirmation, confirmation, clarification, confidence. I am drowning, my skin is peeling, I am losing touch with my reality. I am losing my memory. I am a child once more. I know you are done with being terrified but that all I have ever known.
I don't doubt you. I doubt myself.
I am not enough for you. I am not well. I am too emotional, too scared, too much. I didn't mean to carry all my baggage and store it in your closet. I'm taking it all back but that's all wrong as well. I'm terrified. I am fleeing. I'm not okay. I am spiraling and there's no stopping me. I know you're trying to understand but I just feel like I'm being tolerated.
You are worth finding. Worth knowing. Worth loving. You and all your one million layers. Always hold that close.
- Danielle Doby
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