Loveless

pt.1 There is nothing more frightening than to be alone in my mind. I am in a stage of crisis and I am not well enough equipped to be dealing with me in a rational manner. I hurt the ones I love the most. This is a very constant pattern. But enough that you wanted me 16000km away from you. Immediately. I broke you.

In turn I am broken. To hear you say that you no longer want me in your life because every time I am emotional it makes you shake with fear. You then sugar coated over it and began to tell me that I am a good and caring person. I do care. I really do but I know it's suffocating. To all my borderline and PTSD friends, we are not for the soft hearted. We are violent. We are strong minded and we are difficult but because one person says it's too much for them, do not think that you are at fault. 

I've never have somebody love me so hard and then absolutely despise me within days. I'll be honest. I'm not coping well. I'm not really dealing with it. I'm not sure how to. I'm just avoiding. Now the only memories I have left of you are traumatising to think about and leaves me in tears whenever I hear the echoes of those words. I am truly sorry. I don't want anyone to go through what you did.